What would Walt Disney think of The Bachelorette?

Aug 02, 2011- Permalink

Last night, as The Bachelorette’s Ashley Hebert said “No” to Ben Flajnik’s proposal and “Yes” to J.P. Rosenbaum’s, I began to wonder what the late Walt Disney would think of this series airing on ABC, the network owned by Disney.

Would Walt see family values in a show where a bachelor or bachelorette swaps spit and other bodily fluids with 25 hopefuls on a journey towards true love? Would he see good old-fashioned Americana in a show that inevitably has the star sucking face and stroking thighs with the two finalists the day before they decide who they’ll become engaged to?

Maybe Walt Disney would see the possibility of attractions for his theme parks. For example, EPCOT at Walt Disney World could feature a science exhibition that could detail all the strains of bacteria found in an improperly maintained hot tub. Or the Magic Kingdom could feature a new rollercoaster that hurtles you down the thighs of a tanned bachelorette as she decides how many guys she’ll tell about Chris Harrison’s invitation to forgo their separate rooms and spend the night as a couple in the fantasy suite. After the test results come back, it could be called Fantasy Suite Fright Night.

Let’s not forget that ABC has now spun off Bachelor Pad, where previously-spurned contestants can do body shots and actively spoon with with others in a sort of Chris Harrison-hosted orgy.

Disney has always been known for happy endings — no, not the massage kind — but after 15 seasons of The Bachelor and 7 of The Bachelorette, only two couples, Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter and Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney, have actually ended up getting married. You stand a better chance of finding a Blu-Ray edition of Song of the South than you do finding wedded bliss on this series.