Evans Above

The Oscars® are planning to move to late February in 2004. This is causing mayhem for other award shows like SAG, DGA and BAFTA as they try to move even earlier to try and keep the influence over the Oscar® voters that they think they have.

This is causing havoc for the networks, the venues, and of course, LA hookers, as schedules have to be rearranged and rearranged again to try and keep up.

The big joke too is that the Academy may decide to keep their 2004 shindig in March after all.

So if you’re a major awards show producer and you’re stuck for a venue in 2004, perhaps you can hold your show at my place. Just let me know early enough so I can get some sandwich fixings in.

And remember it’s BYOB.

Trista Rehn, the lucky runner-up who avoided the doofus on The Bachelor, has just been announced as the star of The Bachelorette.

Why? Wasn’t the public humiliation of the first one enough? Sure she gets to pick this time, but c’mon, why does she have to do this in the first place?

Let’s examine the facts:

• she’s darn attractive
• she’s a Miami heat dancer
• she’s not as loose as the winner, but they did discuss “compromising positions” before they turned off the camera on the last night

So, she can’t find a man in the real world? Or does she just want a second 15 minutes?

I see Darva Conger’s going to make an appearance on Dog Eat Dog.

I’m so glad she has her privacy back. The question is, can network television get a restraining order against her?

The other day I was undercharged at a coffee shop. Being honest (my momma done raise me right) I pointed out the error.

How is it that I didn’t walk away from a coffee blunder that could have save me a dollar, yet executives of WorldCom and Enron can do billions worth of fiddling and not feel a thing?

We get film press kits all the time. Sometimes one a day. Sometimes ten.

To make our life easier, and deal with our crazy schedules, our press kits are sent to a Mail Boxes Etc. location.

Notice the name: Mail Boxes Etc.

Say it with me: Mail Boxes Etc.

What an efficiently named company. Let’s examine it a second. The first part, “Mail Boxes”, tells you right off that this business deals with the mail. Probably by putting it in boxes. The “Etc.” tells you that they do a whole bunch of other things like shipping and photocopying and whatever else the franchise can think of. It all falls under the “Etc.” umbrella.

Every month or so we get a call from a studio trying to send us a press kit. They ask us to confirm our address. The address is always right, so I ask what the problem is.

“The courier said they went to that place and couldn’t find you.”

Call me crazy…but when a courier (who deals with mail day in and day out) arrives at a place called Mail Boxes Etc. don’t you think the cluetrain would stop at his station?

I’m too confused by this. This shouldn’t happen before my morning coffee.

I was kidnapped and forced to watch some of American Idol tonight. Could they have picked two bigger idiots than Brian Dunkleman and Ryan Seacrest to host this show?

I love how they both cut up the choices and comments made by the judges. Hmmm, let’s compare the careers of the two hosts versus those of the judges.

And how about the blatant in show product placement? Anyone want a Coke?

An eight-seat plane returning from a fishing trip crash lands in a busy Winnipeg intersection. The manager of a donut shop runs out with fire extinguishers. Workers at the nearby gas station helped fight the fire too.

They could have just watched and waited until emergency crews arrived. But they took action and helped.

Everyday hereoes.

Toronto’s a very multicultural city, full of proud hyphenates. Every time a team wins, loses or ties some international sporting event, members of that community pile into their vehicles, drive up and down Yonge Street, and scream at pedestrians.

After today’s 1-0 loss to Japan, Russians were upset and rioted in Moscow, leaving one dead in the aftermath. In Toronto, an SUV full of tearful Russian-Canadians tore up and down Yonge Street with one of the guys leaning out the window, waving his flag and screaming at all of us on the sidewalks.

Russia’s a big country. But I’m quite sure that if Tonga was playing today a) you’d find an SUV full of Tongan-Canadians yelling at pedestrians and waving the flag of Tonga. I imagine there’s a flag-selling warehouse in Toronto where the clerk goes, “Nauru? Yeh, we got that flag in the back.”

I really feel sorry for the Tony Awards.

First they get cut up over two networks: an hour on PBS and two on CBS. Then the winners get possibly the shortest acceptance speech time of all the major award shows. It’s really sad to hear Elaine Stritch say “Please don’t this to me” as the orchestra blares and the network cuts to commercial.

The Tonys need an arts friendly network – perhaps A&E – to give them the love and respect they need.

[Update]: Stritch was pretty ticked.

If you have trouble sleeping, don’t worry: E! is working on a cure for you.

They’ve now signed Anna Nicole Smith to star in her own Osbournesesque show. Does the network exec who greenlighted that concept really hate us that much?

In other reality news, it appears that the next installment of Survivor will follow a group of paparazzi as they try and find real topless photos of Anna Kournikova.

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